I ate my sandwiches with prayer & recited rosary during bedtime.
I serve God thru knights of the Altar & memorize prayers to Saints
I believe that I deserve all the blessings in life because of these.
Until one day in Highschool, we went from being financially well to nothing.
I prayed to God and asked Him to reverse our situation, but He didn’t do it.
I asked God to restore the money that we had lost, but God seemed unresponsive.
We were facing biggest trial of our lives, and it seemed like God was nowhere to be found.
I still go to church because I enjoy the company of people there but I stopped praying & reading the Bible. I began to believe that since God doesn’t answer prayers over evil and suffering, then surely He didn’t exist.
My skepticism and hostility towards God developed early years in College. I used to think that belief in God had been discredited by science and is incompatible with truth.
So I tried to live my own life based on I what I see, What I think and What I feel.
Until I reached the pit of pleasure & evil thru premarital Sex and all kinds of Addictions.
I promised that I will never tell anyone about what I’ve been doing as long as no one knew about it then ill be fine.
The problem is, that lifestyle is so destructive and nearly destroyed me and when you get to the bottom of emptiness there is no one who is willing to lift you up except JESUS CHRIST.
I attempted to restart my faith by going to church but would read the Bible as if it were fiction and would lose interest after about a page or two of seemingly-Shakespearean words.
On my May 26, 2013, It was a series of preaching called E.V.I.L (Evil, Violence, Influence & Lust) where I found myself listening to Pastor Jeff on the subject “Influence”.
After the sermon, I responded to the Altar Call. My heart says to walk forward but my Mind said I was far from ready, so I choose not to.
I made a decision to speak with Pastor Jeff privately at his office- God gave me a special “crash” course by blessing pastor jeff with the perfect weave of words so intensely & fervently bridged the gap between my head and my heart- I found myself crying – All my questions came into confession -and my confession turned into submission to the cross.. Coming from someone naturally skeptical, this was a weighty outcome.
Growing up I’ve always considered myself the cerebral type, which made it hard for me to believe in anything that did not make perfect sense in my head. I simply could not accept the Bible as a historical document. How were we “just” created? How true was this man who claimed to be the son of God created us out of love? I poured over countless videos of debates between Atheists and Christians (Mostly about Christ’s resurrection) and numerous Christian books. Even when I could finally validate the legitimacy of resurrection, I could not align them with my soul.
But I said, If the resurrection is true then it leads me to the very uncomfortable conclusion that Jesus is truly who he claimed to be.
I also realized that it takes more faith to be an atheist/agnostic, because in order to remain Atheist I would need to believe that our universe came by chance, that unconsciousness produces consciousness, and randomness produces information and that we came from a valueless series of causes and effects from the big bang onward, finally arriving at valuable, morally responsible beings.
If we’re just material beings produced by molecules in motion, we’re not really thinking, we’re just REACTING. So if your brain is the result of mindless, unguided processes – why would you even trust it?
Jesus said in John 8:32 “You shall know the truth”… and Jesus is the Truth, and that’s my story. Investigate the evidence & resolve it with an open mind and Go wherever the evidence leads you even if it takes you to the very uncomfortable conclusion Jesus who he claimed to be. And once the evidence is in, you must reach a verdict about Jesus Christ.
In line with compelling evidence about the truth of Christianity, it will require more faith not to believe in Jesus than to become a follower of Jesus Christ. Consistent with the evidence, the most logical and the most rational step I can take was a step of faith to the same direction where the evidence leads me…and that is to put my trust in Jesus Christ.
And that began a transformational process for me, and little by little my attitude, my worldview and my relationship with other people started to change for good.
Truly God acts in His own ways in His own timing and not ours but in the midst of my doubts and skepticism, I have never been surer of anything in my life – I choose to follow Jesus Christ.
My life isn’t perfect and I am not perfect and I will never become perfect – I still have struggles and still make mistakes but I’m trusting Jesus that he will finish the work that he started in me. I don’t worry about my past anymore nor I’m anxious about my future because as Apostle Paul would put it.
“It is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me”.
